I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
