when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
