my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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