Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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