half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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