i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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