Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
zippers are such a cool invention
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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