She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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