do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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