go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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