A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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