He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
