Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
