Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
