You work out of a Hotel?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
