i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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