I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
