Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
