Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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