Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
