haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
