Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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