ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
