the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
