So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
