when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
