So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
