Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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