the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
