I wish life had little blips of pornography
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
