Don't you send me to vm
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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