I just saw a hot homeless man
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
