we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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