Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
