I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
