Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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