you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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