He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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