That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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