she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
