If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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