dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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