Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
