He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize