Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
