It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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