Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
