i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
