I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
