for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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