and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
