Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
