My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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