So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
