U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I did not marry a roomba.
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