Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
