Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
