I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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