i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
