in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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