Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
