Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
