Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
