I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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