I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
