New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
