i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
