Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Soap is not a condiment
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
