My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
where am i from again
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
