Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
