well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
