he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
