I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
