I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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