I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
