1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
