Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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