Duck Duck Cougar?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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