we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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