I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
