my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
