i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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