may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
