they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
