Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
