Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
