Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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