he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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