Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
