If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
