Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
